This is the seventh part of a series of blogs examining why people come to Hattrick Advisory Services for executive coaching and/or mentoring services. Of course, few come to us for only one thing, but these blogs examine the most common themes that arise in our confidential services. You can read the sixth article in this series here.
It is normal for senior executives to ask themselves the question, ‘Do I belong here?’ Because of the society we live in, women more often experience this feeling than men. About 60% of HAS clients are women and we have found more than half of those are doubting their own abilities. We can help you work on your assertiveness, often using a values-based approach. You will unearth strategies, and tactics to develop your inner strength.
We all feel the following questions at some point. Do we belong here? Do we have the skills, abilities, mindsets, experience, authority, presence, qualifications etc to be where we are? That could be in a newly promoted role, preparing for your first board meeting or that next important sales pitch. It can also happen when someone thinks about marriage, having children, playing football, running a marathon or climbing a mountain.
It also happens not just when we doubt ourselves but when someone else doubts us. Again, this can be professional or in our private lives. We often react to the criticism of an overly critical boss by first blaming ourselves, taking it personally. We may feel there must be something about ourselves that it is lacking.
A client recently came to HAS with this as her first and, seemingly, main concern. Let’s call her Mary (not her real name). Six months before, she had been promoted from middle to senior management with a globally well known company. She was a decade into her career, a very smart woman who had moved up the corporate ladder quicker than most of her peers. Mary had a series of strong performance reviews from previous managers but somehow doubted that she was right for her new role.
As part of the coaching process, we met with her boss with Mary’s permission. His view was that Mary lacked confidence and was not assertive enough. He wanted to hear more from her and see her take more of the initiative. When we met on our own, Mary agreed that she should be more assertive but felt somehow, and strangely, inadequate in the new role.
We first provided Mary with some resources to consider. These included some powerful TEDx talks, articles like this which question if imposter syndrome is a helpful construct, and articles specifically around gender and diversity. In our coaching sessions, we used what we call chair work a couple of times, a role-play technique which asks the client to think of issues from more than one perspective. We also considered who Mary was: not just a mid-career and ambitious executive but a mother, a wife, a sister, a choral singer and a passionate hiker. We looked, therefore, at the whole client, not just one part of who she was.
We also invited Mary to bring her coach inside her own feelings. How she felt in meetings, not just in the superficial sense but deep down. What was holding her back? Who was holding her back? What was she really looking to achieve?
As with much of the coaching experience, Mary didn’t experience that much sort after ‘lightbulb moment’ or the so-called magic bullet of coaching, which often does not exist. But over time, she began to see how she wanted to be and be seen to show up at work. We examined techniques for being assertive and non-threatening (especially to bosses with apparently oversized egos). She also developed a more holistic view of her identity and what mattered to her now and moving forward.
Mary wrote to us after the work we did together a very short thank you note: “I don’t know what you did, but it worked.” As with all coaching, we partnered with Mary while she did the hard work. We asked questions, probed, nudged and invited Mary into several different thoughts and feelings. We also looked closely at her values, what really matters to her.
And that, ultimately, is what executive coaching is about. It is about holding space for the client to explore from a safe space, whatever it is that they are thinking about. Mary came with a very specific issue, imposter syndrome, but we partnered together in a way that quickly examined this particular factor from a variety of her own perspectives and those of others.
If you feel a lack of confidence, are doubting your own abilities, are turning up to work feeling worried, fearful even, then coaching may be helpful for you. We ultimately know that you will have the answers and know the way forward. The process may involve some tough questions, some introspection that can be challenging and fun.
Finally, and of course, it will be completely confidential, even if you wish to invite someone into the conversation at some point to hear their perspective. At Hattrick, confidentiality is a core value, and we will always respect that.
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